Happy Awareness Day!
Did you know yesterday, the second Friday in January, is called “Quitter’s Day”? By yesterday, a majority of people have stopped whatever they resolved to do or not do. Rather than depressing me, I actually love that statistic, because now, I’m calling Quitter’s Day by a new name - Awareness Eve. And that makes today Awareness Day, a day to celebrate!
Awareness Day is a day of celebration, because it brings shines a light on the insufficiency of stand-alone outcome goals. For me, this awareness brings hope and the possibility of a better, deeper and more sustainable way to move forward.
What Are Outcome Goals?
Most resolutions are what are called Outcome Goals. They are external, that is, the criteria for success is about something seen from the outside. Here’s some examples of outcome goals:
Lose 20 pounds
Complete a marathon
Increase income by 50%
Read 30 books (or 66, like the Bible) in 1 year
Attend church every week
Wear a capsule wardrobe
Quit an unhealthy habit
Pretty much anything on a bucket list
Outcome goals are dualistic with clear definitions of success and failure or right and wrong. They are conceived in the analytical left brain and focus on performance and the perfection of the end product. They also are dependent on a mixture of things within a person’s control and outside of their control.
The Ghost of Resolutions Past
Go back with me to December 31. Like Scrooge and the Ghost of Christmas past, let’s observe a person we’ll call Brenda. Brenda wakes up from her holiday stupor and feels bad about herself because she indulged over Christmas and dropped every wellness habit in the enjoyment of holiday feasting. Scale shame is all over her when she steps into the bathroom. Her left brain sees all this as “bad” and serves her an external “solution” — she resolves to start a diet and walk one mile a day with the goal to complete a marathon by the end of the year.
Practically immediately Brenda imagines an external picture of what success would look like. She sees herself free of feeling bad and looking great as she fits into slim jeans that are impossible now. She walks into Starbucks one Saturday from her home three miles away, looking fresh as a daisy. Brenda the athlete effortlessly flies across the finish line at the Fall Fling 10K.
Brenda does great for awhile. She starts believing this can happen and feels pretty happy and successful - all good feelings. Then the shift comes — she begins to slip from the platform of perfection she’s created for herself. In a stressful moment she reaches for the goodie. She misses one day walking that turns into two. She gets an injury. Perfection and achievement (as Brenda has imagined it) is starting to feel less possible, and instead of feeling good, she feels bad. So her left brain takes the reins again and protects her from those bad feelings. “Better that I just give up,” Brenda says to herself. According to a couple of studies, this happens to her within a few weeks of January 1.
Happy Awareness Day! Let Go and Go Deeper
At this point Brenda is tempted to box up her failure, forget the resolution (if her inner critic lets her) and go back to life. Growth and flourishing feel far away right now.
But what if Brenda sees this as an opportunity for awareness and growth? What if she starts celebrating Awareness Day?
The first awareness might be that outcome goals by themselves are inadequate. They stack the odds of growth and flourishing against you from the get-go. The big reason is that outcome goals view the achievement as the aim, not growth or flourishing. Fail at an outcome goal and feelings of shame and fear stop you dead.
What if the problem isn’t the outcome, but that Brenda approached it too soon? What if outcomes were never meant to be the end but instead a supportive process of something deeper?
Goodbye Outcome Goals and Hello Growth Goals
So, on Awareness Day, let’s celebrate and re-orient. What would it look like if Brenda walks back a few steps before the outcome goal? What if she transforms them into a process within a greater growth goal?
I see this like establishing a rose in a garden. If the rose’s flourishing is the gardener’s desire, just putting it in the ground (the outcome goal) doesn’t support that goal. Within the context of a growth goal, planting the rose is part of the process, seeing a bush that continues to grow and flourish is the deeper goal. Site selection, soil preparation, watering, feeding, pruning, and more are parts of the process. So are observing the rose and making changes as needed to support greater thriving.
Like the gardener, when we choose a growth goal, we broaden the context and deepen our attention. We tune into the right brain — the intuitive side that goes deep to what is truly important about the process and mindful within the process. We also ignite the creative and intuitive parts of our brain which marvelously support the growth goal.
What Is a Growth Goal?
Simply put, growth goals are internal and connect to our deepest values and ideals. While this is seemingly paradoxical, growth goals are also are non-achievable. There is no “arriving” in a growth goal, but they are trajectories that we can always realign to and grow into.
The beauty of this is that it takes the left brain dualism out of the picture. When missteps happen in the process of growth, there is evaluation and realignment to the growth goal. Instead of shame, we can experience more of God’s grace and unconditional love. Instead of fear of failure we can lean into an invitation to grow into courage where fear becomes increasingly irrelevant.
What Are My Growth Goals?
As a Christian, when I look to growth goals that align with my ideals and values, I find a good starting point is the context of the Christian virtues: Faith, Hope, Love, Wisdom, Justice, Courage, and Temperance. If you’re looking for growth goals, this can be a good list to begin with and explore.
Take Time to Ask a Few Questions
Which of these virtues is God inviting me to embrace as a growing edge in this season?
Which specific areas of life would invite growth in a virtue in a meaningful way?
What processes would support my growth and flourishing in this virtue?
What outcome goals present in my life right now, can be transformed to process goals within a greater growth goal?
What outcome goals don’t serve any greater purpose and need to go?
What Is Now Possible?
So on this Awareness Day, if you are feeling like quitting, I encourage you to do just that. Quit outcome goals and realign your trajectory toward a growth goal. Consider what the growth goals and supporting processes can be for you. If coaching or spiritual direction is a part of the process, I’d be honored to explore that with you.